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The Last Laugh Now I can hear them in the darkness of the woods, and I realize they've completely surrounded me. They don't even try to be quiet as they crash through the underbrush. Just thinking about them trying for stealth makes me laugh, and, like them, I don't bother being quiet. It's only when I notice I'm starting to giggle that I stop. Deep breaths, gotta keep a grip on myself. I can get out of this, no matter how impossible the odds might be for me. Then I watched through the binoculars as the rabbit casually crushed a small hardware store under a single huge hindpaw as it looked for food. Now, most rabbits were vegetarians, but then again, most rabbits weren't 80 feet tall and owned a set of teeth that could put a tiger to shame. We were outside the town limits, our troop armed to the teeth with all types of heavy weaponry. Not that it would do any good against this monstrous buck. Trust me, we tried. He shrugged off bazooka shells that could blow up a tank. This rabbit defied natural laws by being so large and not collapsing under his own weight, so of course he has impenetrable skin. I winced as he plunged his fist into the local hospital, then started tearing the structure apart, and thanked whatever god up there that we were able to evacuate the facility before the giant had arrived. He'd been on a rampage of destruction since he showed up in Decatur, and destroyed half the city before moving onward. This time, we were able to give advance warning, and delayed him long enough to get everyone out. We also bought enough time for a possible weapon that could kill him. Sure, we couldn't penetrate his skin, but a biological weapon might just do the trick. That's what we were loading into the rocket launcher, but we either needed to get closer, or someone had to lure him into the trap. Just call me 'Bait'. Now One of them just lunged at me, teeth bared, ready to rip out my throat. Fast as she was, I was faster. I managed to shoot her right between the eyes, and she fell face first onto the ground. I don't need to check if she's dead, I just need to worry about my survival. How many are there? How many are still waking up? Then I put the jeep in drive, and made my way towards the giant. He was easy enough to see with that white fur of his, and I tried to avoid looking at his malehood; bastard was semi-erect from all the destruction he was causing. Well, we had something that was going to put the fires in his loins out real quick. I moved the jeep as close as I could while he was stomping a library to shambles, and leaned on the horn to get the giant's attention. Sure enough, his head snapped up to look for the source, his long ears swiveling like TV attenae. I gave him a one-fingered salute, then fired my flare gun towards his eyes. It wasn't going to hurt him, but the light should've blinded him, which did exactly that. He shielded his eyes, blinking frantically. I took that opportunity to peel away from him, back where I came. The heavy tremors that started was a definite hint that I was being followed, and would soon be overtaken by giant, thudding feet which would crush me into paste. My troop then fired the rocket that would put an end to this giant one-rabbit wrecking crew. It struck him in the eye of all places, popping the orb and forever blinding him in that socket. He gave that screeching squeal rabbits were known for as he stumbled back. The gas within the missile was then released as soon as it made contact, and I quickly sealed myself into my hazmat suit, then watched as the huge rabbit started to struggle for breath, his wide chest hitching more and more. The poison we developed was working! The lack of oxygen was forcing him down onto his knees, then he fell on his side. He was dead within minutes due to suffocation. I was impressed at how quickly the poison worked, and the scientists who made this weapon said it would have no adverse effects in theory. We'd quarantine this place as a precaution, but if everything worked out, we could then let the civilians return to rebuild. Now One of them almost bit me, but I pistol whipped him, cracking his skull open. Ruthless bastards, why's this happening to me? Then Me and a couple of the guys from my troop were assigned to guard the area until the special team arrived to make sure the poison has been rendered inert by exposure to air. It was getting hot in the hermetically sealed suit I was in, but the risk of dying like our dead giant friend didn't appeal to me. While on patrol, we passed a small cemetery next to a church, the local elementary school, but when we reached downtown, we saw a trio of people slowly walking down the street. It was too dark to see them, but the way they walked almost made me think they were drunk. My partner yelled for them to stop, but instead, they slowly turned around, then started to stagger our way drunkenly. They ignored his orders to stop, and even when he pointed his weapon at them they continued to advance. I aimed my weapon and started shouting at them to drop onto the ground; I would've had better luck telling a brick wall to roll over and beg. Neither of us expected them to lunge at us. Two of them attacked my partner while the other one went for me. I managed to hit her with the butt of my rifle, and it was when she got up that I saw exactly what I was dealing with. Now Two of them this time, their putrid flesh falling off of them; one didn't even have a face anymore, just the white of his skull with maggots crawling through his eyesockets. I squeezed off two shots with my gun, and they dropped like stones. Problem is, I'm running low on bullets, and they're closing in on me. Damned zombies. I won't become one of them. Then It was luck that I shot her in the head, ending whatever brought her back to life. My partner wasn't so lucky, and I used my rifle as a club to tear them away as best as I could. His suit was ripped open, but he was still struggling against the zombie, which meant the poison didn't affect him, or we were out of range, whatever. I shot one of them several times in the chest before I nailed him on the head. The other had managed to overpower my partner, and he was...oh, god, he was eating the flesh of my friend. I blew the zombie's head open with a round of bullets, but it was too late to save the living, or so I thought. He slowly sat up for a few seconds before I shot him to die again. No one can survive with a half-eaten heart, I don't care WHAT they tell me. Now So that's why I'm running in the woods at night, trying to flee a mob of undead monsters. They overpowered the rest of the patrol, and no matter how many I killed, there were more to take the ones that fell. The soldiers joined the mob after they died, leaving only me. The earth just shook under me. Dammit! I just tripped on a tree root. I gotta get back up—wait, the ground just trembled again...oh God, no. Tell me I am not seeing that giant rabbit over the treetops. There can't be two of them with missiles sticking out of their eyes. There's no way I can outrun the zombies now, I must have twisted my ankle, and even if I could run, I couldn't get away from that giant bastard's stomping feet. Well, guess what? FUCK YOU, you monsters! I'm not going to give any of you the satisfaction of killing me. I tasted the metallic tang of my gunbarrel as I stuck it in my mouth. The last thing I saw was a huge hindpaw that not only crushed trees like kindling, it squashed a group of zombies. Well, I guess he's good for something, but I got the last laugh, you understand me? One squeeze of the trigger, and I've won. It's a bitter victory, but all I need is one squee-- |